Tips Against Hurt

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Tips Against Hurt
Tips Against Hurt

Anti-insult tips

Do you keep suffering from being offended? Or are you pondering why other people are offended by your behavior? You can find out here how offenses can be overcome and what you can do to offend others less. Important: Set realistic goals for coping with hurt. Offenses lead to self-doubt, open old wounds and reactivate previous conflicts.

Little by little you can escape the spiral of mortification. Unfortunately, it is not possible to completely avoid being hurt. But dealing with it yourself is a first step towards greater emotional balance.


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  • What can I do if I am offended?
  • What can I do to be less offensive?

What can I do if I am offended?

First of all, it's okay if you feel offended. Yes, it is an uncomfortable feeling. But if you ignore it, it can turn into a stiff bitterness. Usually injured people react with resistance, counterattack, withdrawal (up to internal emigration or internal termination at work), silence or unhelpful revenge plans.

Overcoming hurt is no easy endeavor. But if it succeeds, you emerge stronger from it. To do this, however, it is necessary to get out of the often existing speechlessness and helplessness. That takes a lot of courage. However, since offenses are not pathological, it is often sufficient to deal with them yourself or to involve people you trust. Offenses enable - as hard as they are - self-knowledge and a growing understanding of human nature. They also help to see the relationship with the offending person in a new light. Sometimes you will find clarity which people are good for you and which are not. Suffering injuries train the skills of feeling and compassion.

With power against hurt

It is important that you keep in mind that you cannot or hardly influence the behavior of other people. But you can very well influence yourself: your thoughts and feelings:

  • You decide what you want to let in. Imagine the offense is a package. You can reject this parcel according to the motto "Return to sender". It's not an easy exercise. But your basic settings are not set in stone, but can be changed over the course of your life. And: What other people say about you sometimes says more about this person than about yourself.
  • If the parcel rule doesn't work, try to say “stop” inwardly if you don't want to fall into the “mortal trap”.
  • You can also write down the situation or topic and put it in a folder and write “pause” on it if you do not want to think about it for a while.
  • Gain time during an insult reaction to gain room for maneuver. For example, ask: “What did you say?” Or “What do you mean?”. Try to be as factual as possible. If you can do it, try humor too.
  • Do not be afraid to express constructive criticism on your part in situations that are important to you.
  • After carefully weighing the advantages and disadvantages, point out to your counterpart that they have offended you. It is best to use an “I message”, for example: “I am currently offended by you.” Sometimes, however, disregarding the message of hurt also helps. So the offender gets no response and loses interest in it if the offense was intended.
  • Do not try to “adapt” your posture to the offense situation (for example by bending over), but try to straighten yourself up physically and thus mentally and also to raise your voice clearly. Or adopt a posture that is simply good for you and calms you down.
  • Maintain an emotional safe distance from the offending person.
  • Healthy exercise or relaxation methods (e.g. progressive muscle relaxation) reduce stress
  • Are you trying to understand the other's motivations ? Could the insult have happened accidentally?
  • Is there any helpful criticism in the message of hurt? And do you want to accept it?
  • Ask yourself what this event means in the context of your whole life span and experience. Will it have any meaning in the near future?
  • Take a closer look at emotional regulation.
  • Talk to someone you trust about it.
  • If necessary, seek advice (e.g. from a clinical psychologist or a psychotherapist). Above all, mindfulness methods and techniques from trauma therapy prove themselves when dealing with injuries.
  • If insults lead to emotional or physical violence, seek help immediately and inquire about the relevant legal situation.
  • Particularly difficult, but very effective: forgiveness. Bitterness, on the other hand, primarily harms you. By forgiving you don't make yourself smaller, it is a noble gesture and reduces stress.
  • And last but not least: take good care of yourself. Praise yourself for what you can do and what you like about yourself.

Tip Write down your own "anti-insulting strategy" on paper (for example, as a "cheat sheet" always at hand in your wallet).

What can I do to be less offensive?

Do others often feel offended in your presence? Do you sometimes feel like an "elephant in a china shop"? Here's what you can do:

  • Apologize
  • Take responsibility: "Yes, I offended someone."
  • Ask yourself or others how you can avoid such a situation in the future.
  • Concrete, constructive criticism starts best with praise.
  • Sometimes an offense is not done with bad intent, but rather to set important limits for you (e.g. if you reject an offer of love that you cannot return). Try to be as sensitive as possible about this.
  • Ask what the injured person might need from you now.
  • Ask yourself how you would like to be treated yourself.
  • Absolute no-go: physical and emotional violence as well as bullying (including legal consequences) and humiliation.
  • If necessary, seek advice (e.g. from a clinical psychologist or psychotherapist) or from a counseling center on the subject of violence.

Tip Write down your own "anti-insulting strategy" on paper (for example, as a "cheat sheet" always at hand in your wallet).